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It was bound to happen. Careful and discrete as McKibbin is, at some point, Naomi was bound to catch on to his habit of smoking cigarettes. While playing jungle-people in our backyard the neighbor-girl made a small mention of the habit.
No, no, my dad doesn’t smoke. Mom used to smoke when she was in Colorado – boy, wasn’t that dumb?- but she quit.
Neither girl raised her voice or got upset. These two, when well rested, are often delicate with each other’s feelings. Naomi's companion danced her toe around in the dusty soil.
“What’s that clay pot next to your deck for?”
Cigarettes, Naomi answered.
“Where did the cigarettes come from?” The neighbor-girl was still looking at her toes, her soft voice wrapped around the question.
Naomi stopped talking about it. Moved on to something else. I sank down into my seat on the deck. Tried my invisibility act. The afternoon rolled on and the sun slanted in the sky. The other shoe dropped, hours later, at our dinner table. McKibbin was still at work so it was just the two of us.
“Mom, does dad smoke cigarettes?”
I think that’s a question you’ll have to ask your dad.
“Do you think he smokes cigarettes?
Yes. I think he does.
The sudden weight of knowing something so complicated fell quickly from her brain. Its outward expression is something like sadness. She realizes her dad would do something unhealthy. Feels a little foolish for being misled. Mad at us, probably, for keeping things from her. None of it falls so hard until you realize the space McKibbin occupies. An essential part of Naomi cleaves to him. This has always been true. Even the slightest shift in that space between them would require a massive amount of force.
The fork slipped from Naomi's fingers and clanged against her plate. “I bet he was too embarrassed, you know, to tell me about the smoking," she mumbled.
The part that surprises me more than any other is this: in the days since, Naomi has never mentioned this conversation to her dad.
4 comments:
Sounds like she is being delicate with his concerns. Smart & sensitive girl.
Yes, Naomi can be very delicate with her dad. He is with her sometimes as well. But only when necessary. Otherwise they're generally joking around and being rambunctious. ;)
oh, man, this tore so gently at my heart. On top of knowing/liking the parties involved... this is some damned good writing, Melissa
She doesn't talk to McKibbin about his nicotine habit, but asks ME on a daily basis whether dad still smokes. It's like every sunrise is a new opportunity for him to quit.
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